Why networking advice feels fake when you’re senior (and what’s actually going wrong)

If the word “networking” makes you want to suddenly remember an urgent cupboard that needs reorganising, you’re not alone. I hear this all the time from senior professionals, often said quietly, like it’s a personal failing rather than a perfectly reasonable reaction.

People will say things like, “I know I’m supposed to network, but it just feels awkward,” or “I don’t want to bother people,” or my personal favourite, “I don’t know how to do it without sounding desperate or weird.”

The problem isn’t that you’re bad at networking. The problem is that most networking advice is aimed at people in a completely different phase of their career.

Why most networking advice stops working after about mid‑career

A lot of standard networking advice is built around visibility through activity. Go to events. Send messages. Ask for coffee. Tell people you’re looking. Put yourself out there. Rinse and repeat.

That can work earlier in a career, when asking for help is expected and roles are relatively contained, but at senior level, that same advice often lands very differently. Because you’re not trying to break in, you’re trying to be recognised accurately.

When you’re experienced, reaching out with a vague “just wanted to pick your brain” message can feel oddly infantilising, as if you’re pretending not to know what you actually know. On the flip side, explicitly saying “I’m looking for a role” can feel exposing, especially when your professional identity has been built on competence and contribution rather than need.

So people freeze, they force it, or they decide they hate networking and quietly opt out altogether.

The bit nobody mentions

Most advice tends to skip over the fact that networking feels uncomfortable at senior level because it bumps straight into pride, identity, and status.

You’ve spent years being the person others come to and you’re used to adding value, not asking for it. So advice that positions networking as a transaction feels wrong, because it is wrong for this stage of a career.

Senior networking isn’t about asking people to help you, it’s about staying present in professional memory so that when problems arise, your name comes up naturally.

That’s a very different thing, but it’s rarely explained that way.

Why “just reach out” isn’t helpful advice

Telling someone to “just reach out” without helping them understand why or how is a bit like telling someone to “just relax” when they’re stressed - it's technically true - and also - practically useless.

What most people are really struggling with isn’t the act of contacting someone, it’s not knowing what to say in a way that feels aligned with who they are now.

They don’t want to pitch themselves.
They don’t want to ask for favours.
They don’t want to pretend they’re casually “exploring options” when they’re actually quite worried.

So they do nothing, and then beat themselves up for not networking.

What senior networking actually responds to

At senior level, networking works best when it’s grounded in relevance, not requests.

People remember you because:

• you solved similar problems before

• you operate at a level they recognise

• your thinking resonates with situations they’re dealing with now

• you stayed visible without needing anything immediately

That’s why conversations matter more than volume. A small number of well‑placed, low‑pressure interactions will do more than a flurry of generic outreach messages ever will.

And crucially, these interactions don’t have to be about jobs at all.

The gentle reframe that makes networking tolerable again

A useful way to reframe networking is to stop thinking of it as “asking for something” and start thinking of it as “maintaining context”.

You’re not announcing availability, you’re keeping people updated on the kind of work you do, the problems you’re interested in, and the environments where you tend to be useful.

That might sound subtle, but it changes everything, because it turns networking from a performance into a conversation, and from a transaction into continuity.

It also explains why so many senior roles come from a quiet, “Oh, we should speak to them” moment rather than a formal application.

Why forcing yourself to network usually backfires

When networking feels wrong, people often try to override that discomfort by pushing harder. They send messages they don’t believe in, attend events they resent or follow advice that doesn’t fit and then wonder why it feels draining.

That discomfort is information.

It’s telling you that the advice you’re following doesn’t match the level or style you operate at. Listening to that signal is often more productive than ignoring it.

Takeaway

If networking feels awkward, fake, or downright icky at this stage of your career, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It usually means you’re trying to apply advice that was never designed for senior levels and your zone of comfort in the first place.

Senior networking isn’t about asking for help, it’s about being visible in the right way, to the right people, so that when the moment comes, you’re already part of the conversation.

Once you stop trying to network like someone being forced to chew on a lemon, it tends to get a lot easier to stomach.

And yes, we can talk about what to actually say next, without the toe‑curling bits, but that’s another a post of its own.